Vacation

So this is our last night in sapphire valley and it was a nice little vacation but I miss my pets. I can't wait to get home to them tomorrow.

Sapphire valley is nice but there really isn't much to do here if the weather is bad and we only had a few days of good weather. This resort is definitely aimed towards an older crowd and I was bored... A lot! Roo seemed to enjoy his naps. He is such an old man. I spent just as much time watching tv and playing online as I would have back home.

We did catch a few cool sights. First we went to highland and went shopping in a cute little downtown that was full of life. Then we went to Cherokee and went to the Cherokee museum which was really interesting. We went to whiteside mountain and a waterfall. The views were amazing! E went back to Cherokee today and had a run in with a crazy Indian that decided to punch Roo while we were stopped at a red light. SMH!

Now I'm laying here in bed and I'm wide awake listening to Roo snore. Wish I could sleep but I am really excited to see all my babies tomorrow and I miss talking to my butthead.

Choices

Everyday we wake up we make choices. What to wear, what to eat, what you do throughout the day is a choice. Some of the choices we make are tiny and some are huge but either way they change your life.

How do we know if we are making the right choices?
We don't.

We can't see into the future to heck the outcome of the choices we make. All we can do is try to find the ones that make us happy.

I have made a lot of choices. Some good, some bad, some didn't make a difference.

I have been cursed with a brain that over analyzes everything. I think so much that sometimes I feel like I'm my own worst enemy.

I really wish I had an off switch or an easy button.

Burn

How bad is it when you write down all the things that hurt you and then take the papers in the front yard and burn them :(

Predicament

How do you find an answer to a question you can't ask?

Following your heart while fighting with your mind is impossible. It's like a war of emotions that's impossible to win.

Confusion will make people crazy. My life is changing and I don't know what road is best for me to travel. My heart hurts and my mind is calling me a fool for not using my common sense and rationality.

My love will never go away. That's for sure. But the rest I don't know

Aggravated.... And fed up

Who cares about Tiffany?
Who cares that I didn't sign up for this?
Tired. Depressed. Foolish. Angry. Unappreciated.

But it doesn't matter. I just have to pretend everything is ok. Apparently I am only allowed one emotion, happy.

Well here is some news for the world... I am human! I have emotions! I feel pain! I can't deal with everything that is on my plate. But who cares?

I did not ask for all these pets. Although I love them. I protested most of them. You bring them home and I have to take care of them. AND while you sleep and get a good nights rest I am awake feeling like shit. Im in pain and it's my job to deal with your dog dragging me because she needs to go out. You can't seem to do anything you say. And I'm left to clean, cook, take care of all the finances. While taking care of all the animals unless I jump your ass to help me. Then if you do anything without me saying you want a damn parade! WTF.

Can't wait for my little vacation. Even though right this minute I'm wondering if I can go because I don't know if my house can be run without me.

Complete bs!!!!!!! Aaaaaaahhhhhhhh

Fucking think

You are slowly killing me with out even trying. You rip me apart from the inside. Invisible wounds are hard to heal.

I am walking with one foot out the door. You need to figure out your problem before I am gone like a cloud of dust. I know my worth even if you don't. I know what I deserve.

I don't deserve what you have been dishing.

You don't deserve all I do. From now one you can feed yourself. Do your own laundry. Wash your dishes. Find the shit you misplace.

You can do whatever the fuck you want. Just remember if what you want is somewhere else. GO GET IT!!!!


If I walk out that door I promise I will not be back.

Walmart....

This is one of the craziest places to try to shop. Yes, they have everything. But trying to get through here and still be sane is not easy. They should have an open bar at ever department to try to make it enjoyable shopping here.

I think one of my biggest problems here is that I can never really find what I'm looking for so I end up with a cart full of crap I could have got somewhere else.

starting

I have been feeling that things were starting to go back to the way they should be. Promises of a new and better life. No more hurt and tears.
You cant handle that though...... Its always something........
BUT no more. I cant hurt anymore. I WONT hurt anymore! The more I hear and learn the less I care, the less I am affected. My heart is not made of stone but I will protect it as if the wind could blow it away.

You have your life and I have mine. I no longer feel they are truly connected. I have done everything for you. I have given myself to you completely. You are a taker. You take my love, you take my body, you take everything I do for you. What do I get in return? Heartache, disappointment, feelings of not being good enough, and wonder. My heart can not be broken anymore. I will not cry. You say sorry after every issue. that word means nothing to me anymore. If you want to be that person you always apologize for then be him. But I wont be here to watch you.

If I acted the way you do, you would have left a long time ago. I'm tired of looking like a fool. Im tired of hurting. I do not deserve anything you have given me. And I don't feel you deserve what i give you.


BUT IM STILL HERE......
IM STILL TRYING.......

What do you call a hero?

So I am going to be an auntie again, and I have been thinking. Hunter is going to think that Batman, Superman, Spider-man and whatever else T.V. throws at him are so called heroes. I hope that I might have an impact on that thought at some point.

A hero is not a person that wears a cape. A hero is a person who puts their life on the line to save yours. A hero doesn't have a cape or a costume but a uniform. They don't hide who they are with a secret identity they are proud and embrace it.

Heroes are made everyday. They are not bit by spiders to get superpowers. Their superpower is courage, pride, honor, and the ability to sign a paper saying they will put the life of our country before their own.

I am so proud to be married to an American Hero and when my niece and nephews are old enough to understand I will tell them what a hero is.

It was hard dealing with deployment and having my husband in a dangerous place far away but I am so proud of him.

I want everyone to remember that our veterans at one point were there to help and protect us if and when we needed it. Now these men and women are fighting a new fight with the system to survive.

In America we should not have homeless, and hungry veterans. I am disgusted that we can let this happen. We have veterans that need help and can not receive it for one reason or another. We have veterans that are feared because they are trained to fight but were not given the help needed to transition back into normal society due to the fact that asking for help makes them "weak".

There is nothing about these heroes that is weak!

I was thinking, if someone asked you what we take advantage of in the USA what would people say?

Would they say food, shelter, money, government assistance?
What we REALLY take for granted is the men and women who protect us! Military, police, firemen and women, EMTs! These are the people we should cheer for when they walk down the street. Instead the cheers go to people who don't put their lives on the line; people who dont have to leave their families to worry if they are coming home. We as Americans cheer for celebrities, we cheer for some politicians. Many people would love to meet the president but would you feel the same way to meet a soldier, or a police officer that had just been shot at?

I think as Americans we really need to change our thoughts and the thoughts of children as to what makes a person honorable.

Ok, I am done my rant! if you read the whole thing I hope you see where I was going. :)

back again

OK .... So now that the holidays are over and things are getting back to normal again my blog can continue.

So we went back north for Christmas. Some things were good and some were bad. I am really learning a lot about life. Everyday is a lesson.

I am strong! I am learning that there are some things in life that really are worth fighting for and some that are not.

I will fight for love until my heart bleeds. I will fight for my pride. I will fight to survive.

I will not fight for respect. It may be something I deserve but I will not fight for it, I shouldn't have to. I will not fight your free will. Your choices are just that YOURS.

I am really learning about myself. I know what I am worth! There is no person like me on this earth so take me or leave me but if you leave me don't look back because I wont be waiting.


I LOVE ME!