People like to try to make everyone feel better but most of the time no one knows what has been on your mind to upset you in the first place. When people say “inspiring” things and give you a hug they expect you to feel instantly better. It does not work that way!
I have had so much on my mind that my dreams are not even my own anymore. I dream about numbers and bills and all the shit that I think about during the day. My whole life revolves around what is due for bills, what pills need to be refilled, when is the next doctor’s appointment, and so on.
I really wish I had a switch for my brain to shut off the thoughts. I go through life as a human PDA with a mask over my emotions. My job as a wife is to be sure everything is done for everyone and make sure my household runs smoothly. People want me to vent to them to try to relieve my stress but no one understands what I go through, or what my life is like. I don’t have a venting source except my writing. My husband wants me to vent to him but I am always worried that my venting is going to set him off.
My life is not my own…..
