Rainy Day...

Today has been a rainy day at home. I love the rain! It's even better when there is thunder and lightning. The only down fall about rain where we live is that my front yard floods right up to my front door.

I still have a cold :( but I figured I would write a quick blog.

Hasn't been a bad day but defiantly BORING!

life...

People like to try to make everyone feel better but most of the time no one knows what has been on your mind to upset you in the first place. When people say “inspiring” things and give you a hug they expect you to feel instantly better.  It does not work that way!

I have had so much on my mind that my dreams are not even my own anymore. I dream about numbers and bills and all the shit that I think about during the day. My whole life revolves around what is due for bills, what pills need to be refilled, when is the next doctor’s appointment, and so on.

I really wish I had a switch for my brain to shut off the thoughts. I go through life as a human PDA with a mask over my emotions.  My job as a wife is to be sure everything is done for everyone and make sure my household runs smoothly. People want me to vent to them to try to relieve my stress but no one understands what I go through, or what my life is like. I don’t have a venting source except my writing. My husband wants me to vent to him but I am always worried that my venting is going to set him off.

My life is not my own…..

my mask

I live my life with a mask over my soul. I hide my problems and thoughts. My mind is my own prison and no one knows Im locked in it.

If you put to much in a pot it boils over. I could see it my pot was boiling over but I put more and more and more. Finally I boiled over but there is still too much.. I dont know how to fix me, I never have. I am still lock in this prison in my head....

And there is no key to let me out :(

WOW!!! What a day!

It has been a day! I have felt like screaming multiple times so far today!

So today I started by getting up at 5:15 so that me and the hubby could take my sisters cat Squish to be neutered. He pooped and got sick on the floor of my car. EWWWW! We dropped him off and drove an hour back home to hopefully take a nap but Jynx had other plans. Jynx is 2 years old now and still has the brain of a puppy at times.

So I got up with Jynx and let Roo keep sleeping. I took a look out back to peak at Falla and she definitely had puppy brains, but she IS a puppy :) so not really anything new. She decided her dog house would look better at the bottom of the hill where she can't reach. So Falla, who was soaked from all the rain we got this morning, decided she was gonna dig a hole to China and was covered in clay mud. I went outside to go get her house and I guess I looked way to clean because she immediately jumped on me and cover me in clay too.

After getting her house back where she could get into it and cleaning myself up I decided to try to lay on the couch and relax. Would have worked nicely but Jynx was still moving at 100mph. So I just kinda putted around for a while. I woke Roo up and then checked my facebook and saw that the highway I have to take to pick up Squish in 2 hours was completely shut down because a highway sign fell and hit a big truck... AWESOME.... NOT!!!! So we left early to go get him.

We got home and let Squish roam in Leigh Anns room. I LOVE IT. He is all wobbly like he is drunk :) LOL!

Now I am sitting here while my husband plays WOW... he gets into a world of his own with this game. He is not in a great mood which has been the norm lately. I wish there was something I can do but my best bet is to just leave him in his WOW world where he can kill things,,, I don't know but I think thats the point of that game.

Tomorrow is gonna be another hard day with his first appointment with his psychiatrist to talk about things and possibly fix his meds....AGAIN. 

Hopefully, we can get some nice weather and possibly go for a hike. That always helps him clear his mind and improve his mood.

My first blog post!!! yay :)

First... HELLO!!!

This is my first post on my first blog ever! I am starting this blog to make me feel like I am actually stimulating my mind at some point during my day, week, month, ect. 

Let me explain. Currently I am unemployed. I have been unemployed for some time now and I HATE IT! I am however holding a few titles at this point in time. The first title would be wife, I know typical, right? Wrong! I am married to a disabled veteran. He is my American Hero. The hard part about this is trying to keep all of the medication, doctors appointments, and PTSD triggers under my hat and try to keep my house and life rolling smoothly. 

Second, I am the "Bitch". I am the one everyone comes to when there is some sort of argument with a company, bill collector, ect. I have a big mouth and a strong opinion. People do not usually win an argument with me when I put my mind to getting things done the way I want them. 

Now enough about my life and me.

I am excited to start this blog. I am not sure if this is a good idea or the beginning of the next world war.

I do have to say I think it will be nice to have a place to share all of my thoughts and feelings other than facebook.

Well... Until next time!